Doing The Wave (Commutations)

The waving guy now officially bugs me.

The waving guy sits in the booth at the parking ramp where I park every day, taking the money from people leaving. (I imagine his job is very easy in the morning, when almost everybody is coming in, and nobody is leaving.) Every morning, the waving guy sees me come out the door from the lower level where I park, and waves.

Every morning, I wave back, and I think to myself some variation of this: Why is he waving to me? Does he wave to everyone who walks by? Because I don't know him, at all. I've never even spoken to him. Sure, I see him every morning, but that hardly makes us friends. Or even acquaintances. We are two people who will see each other 250 times a year, for several years, and then never again. Unless maybe he gets elected president or becomes a rock star or something, in which case I'll say "Hey, it's that waving guy," and I'll also regret that I never stopped to talk to him.

It's possible that he might become a rock star because one morning he had an acoustic guitar in the booth with him and was playing.

And waving to me.

(I envied him that morning: a job so easy that you get paid to practice guitar, some days, would be my number one goal; it made me remember the time I worked as an after-hours check-in clerk for ongoing adult education classes, a job that allowed me time to jump rope and read the classics while getting paid.)

And each day, I am slightly annoyed and slightly bothered because his waving to me has made me think peevish, selfish thoughts, and then I feel guilty about thinking those thoughts, guilt I boomerang around to him: If he wouldn't wave to me, I wouldn't think these things and then wouldn't feel guilty about thinking these things, and I begin my day in a resentful and questioning mood. (Which is, actually, my mood before he waves, too.)

But then, today, the waving guy didn't wave. He saw me but didn't wave. I even gave him a wave and he didn't wave back. Which made me wonder why he didn't wave, and begin thinking peevish and resentful thoughts about his not waving to me. Especially because I had waved. What right does he have to begin waving and then not wave, I wondered, and wondered What'd I do that he doesn't wave to me, anymore? And then I was angry at him for making me resentful of that and felt guilty about it all, all over again.

I'm really not cut out to live in society.