Don't worry, chicken, you're going in the oven.
66. I give you People's Sexiest Man Alive, 2027.
65. I expect this story to be optioned into a multimilliondollar movie franchise by the end of the day. (Spoiler Alert: It didn't happen.)
64. Dogs speak English, of course.
63. It doesn't LOOK comfortable, but who am I to judge?
62. It moved.
61. Sweetie's urban background.
60. It's Oldest's Birthday!
59. Today you will learn a word in a new language.
58. Elefino!
57. Well, it should have been named this.
56. Roosters don't live in rainforests.
55. Sweetie's right, but I can't let her know that.
54. What do you say when someone had a birthday?
53. After New Year's Sales.
52. You'd think I'd remember a made-up guy.
51. The Boy needs to not talk about stuff.
50. Sweetie makes up a word.
49. Sweetie's more than a homemaker.
48. Apparently, we're running a hardware store now.
47: This is my dinner conversation.
46. Sweetie reaches her goal.
45. Mr Bunches is not a zoologist.
65. I expect this story to be optioned into a multimilliondollar movie franchise by the end of the day. (Spoiler Alert: It didn't happen.)
64. Dogs speak English, of course.
63. It doesn't LOOK comfortable, but who am I to judge?
62. It moved.
61. Sweetie's urban background.
60. It's Oldest's Birthday!
59. Today you will learn a word in a new language.
58. Elefino!
57. Well, it should have been named this.
56. Roosters don't live in rainforests.
55. Sweetie's right, but I can't let her know that.
54. What do you say when someone had a birthday?
53. After New Year's Sales.
52. You'd think I'd remember a made-up guy.
51. The Boy needs to not talk about stuff.
50. Sweetie makes up a word.
49. Sweetie's more than a homemaker.
48. Apparently, we're running a hardware store now.
47: This is my dinner conversation.
46. Sweetie reaches her goal.
45. Mr Bunches is not a zoologist.
44. Newton didn't say this first, did he?
43. He's ready for law school. Or politics.
42. I hereby apologize to Sweetie.
41. Isn't "okra" a kind of animal from South America?
40. He wants to look cool.
39: The library of the damned.
38: Tiny bubbles...
37: Time travel.
36: I am nowhere near as bad as the kids.
35: Towels.
34: Angsty.
33: Singing...
32: Googlipantz
31: Mango Smoothie.
30: Book Deal.
29: Nose Spider.
28: Leo.
29, um, again: Pizza? Mop?
28, um, again: Joe Theisman...
27: Old guys.
26: Dog food or beef jerky?
25: Matt Stafford is not suffering.
24: Computer Washer.
23: Button his shirt...
22: How you know you did a good job.
21: Lozenge.
20: The library as a friend.
19: Spring?
18: Creepy.
17: He never really got Disney cartoons.
16. Sweetie wants the Babies to drink...
15. Muppety
14. No strikes in the cookie aisle
13. Never a supercollider
12. Love is...
11. Han Solo vests
10. Dipthong
9. Not, technically, a quote.
8. The Boy thinks highly of himself.
7, but I labeled it 9: A quote from Demetri Martin.
6. Superbowl.
7, but there's already a 7, right? Snow & adolescence.
6. Again? Here's a quote from Ben Franklin.
5. Homer says.
4. Ring Lardner says...
3. Procrastination...
2. Proving my father-in-law wrong.
1. Envy & disquiet.
Like what you read?
Click here to buy it (and my other books!.
43. He's ready for law school. Or politics.
42. I hereby apologize to Sweetie.
41. Isn't "okra" a kind of animal from South America?
40. He wants to look cool.
39: The library of the damned.
38: Tiny bubbles...
37: Time travel.
36: I am nowhere near as bad as the kids. 35: Towels.
34: Angsty.
33: Singing...
32: Googlipantz
31: Mango Smoothie.
30: Book Deal.
29: Nose Spider.
28: Leo.
29, um, again: Pizza? Mop?
28, um, again: Joe Theisman...
27: Old guys.
26: Dog food or beef jerky?
25: Matt Stafford is not suffering.
24: Computer Washer.
23: Button his shirt...
22: How you know you did a good job.
21: Lozenge.
20: The library as a friend.
19: Spring?
18: Creepy.
17: He never really got Disney cartoons.
16. Sweetie wants the Babies to drink...
15. Muppety
14. No strikes in the cookie aisle
13. Never a supercollider
12. Love is...
11. Han Solo vests
10. Dipthong
9. Not, technically, a quote.
8. The Boy thinks highly of himself.
7, but I labeled it 9: A quote from Demetri Martin.
6. Superbowl.
7, but there's already a 7, right? Snow & adolescence.
6. Again? Here's a quote from Ben Franklin.
5. Homer says.
4. Ring Lardner says...
3. Procrastination...
2. Proving my father-in-law wrong.
1. Envy & disquiet.
Like what you read?
Thinking The Lions, and 117* Other Ways To Look At Life (*Give Or Take)
Collects up my best essays about life -- essays that aren't on here anymore.Click here to buy it (and my other books!.
